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A Letter From Ernie

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A Letter From Ernie

Apparently, one of Brian Evison’s relatives showed up at the Wine & Cheese party held at his offices on March 12. Goldfarb produced the letter, and Brian rose to help translate. It goes something like this:

G’Day, Sheilas and Mates (ladies and gentlemen) of the BBRC (Bellevue Breakfast Rotary Club)!

I have to thank you for inviting me to your wine and cheese party when I lobbed (dropped) in to see my rellie (relative) last week. I was already on my way to grab some amber fluid (beer) when I said to myself, "Let’s have a Captain Cook (look) in on old Brian," and chucked a uey (did a U-turn). You immediately made me feel like a Cobber (friend) by offering me plonk (cheap wine). It’s a bit sad, but normally I drink with the flies (drink alone).

I saw a lot of Rotarians who were grinning like a fox shot (very happily). I knew some would have to throw a sickie (have a day off due to illness) if they raged on (continued to party).

Now, I’m not a knocker (somebody who criticizes), but in our family, Brian was always a bit of a figjam (someone who has a high opinion of himself), while even the oldies (parents) thought him a no-hopper (somebody who’d never do well) and not quite the full quid (not bright intellectually). Some of our cousins from Cockroach (New South Wales) say he is a Drongo, a dipstick, a dill and a fruit loop (a dope, a stupid person, an idiot and a fool). After last week, I will tell them different. I know he is a screaming sandgroper (a party-loving person from Western Australia), and he hangs with a lot of tall poppies with spunk (successful people who are good looking). I still think he is a bit of a larrikin (joker).

The evening ended when someone shouted, "Who opened their lunch (who passed gas)?" and the room cleared. Just in time, too, or I might have had to blow in the bag (give a breathalyzer test). It was a ripper (great) and I would love to hit the turps (drink with) Brian "Battler" (a hard worker only just making a living) and the BBRC anytime.

Sincerely,
Ernie “Two Pot Screamer”
(someone who gets drunk easily) Evison

* * *

Sets back our relationship with our Australian friends a few light years, now doesn’t it?

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