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The View From Here
Don't let anyone
tell you you're getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker.
The older we get,
the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try
to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look like this. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved.
When you are
dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you're
getting old when everything either dries up or starts to leak.
I don't know how
I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Age seldom
arrives smoothly or quickly. It's more often a succession of jerks.
Being young is
beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when
your former classmates are so grey, wrinkled, and bald that they don't recognize you.
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HEADLINES YOU’LL SEE IN 2050
Florida To Be Readmitted To Union
Plague Of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock
Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen
Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero Of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President
Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. ”This Is True Love,” He Beams
Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In DC
Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues
President "Bonecrusher" Jones To Face Chief Justice "Maddog" Ortega In Cage Match
Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife
Upcoming NFL Draft Likely To Focus On Mutants
Army Marine Corps Gets New Camouflaged Uniforms For Urban/Office Environments
Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper Allegations
Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGEDisneyCiscoFord-
RJRNabiscoExxonMobil Of Monopoly Charges
50-Year Study: Diet And Exercise Key To Weight Loss
Baby Conceived Naturally
It Wasn't The Cigarettes – It Was The Ashtrays!
A Visit With An Entrepreneur’s Entrepreneur
Courtesy of Wally Mahoney
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting
at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but he lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
towards the man. He instinctively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the
theatre, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens!
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place
for a night-cap … and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible!
"You know," he said, "You are the perfect woman! Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
“No,"she replies … ”
(Wait for it …)
(It's coming …)
(The suspense is killing you, right? )
"… you just happened to catch my eye."
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