KEEP THE CHANGE
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!"
Father: "What, son?"
College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?"
Father: "I certainly do."
College student: "Well, you get to keep it."
Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marquis four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.
Thanks to Earl Falk
When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start.
So, Jake did what most of us would do, if we'd have been there.
He humbly bowed his balding head and sent aloft a prayer.
As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed his luck.
They found him three days later, frozen stiff in that old truck.
Now Jake had been around in life, and done his share of roamin'.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked – it looked just like Wyomin'.
Of all the saints in Heaven, his favorite was St. Peter.
[Now, this line, it ain't needed but it helps with rhyme and meter.]
So they set and talked a minute or two, or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keepin' score -- in Heaven time is free.
"I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "that God will answer prayer.
But one time I asked for help and, well, He just plain wasn't there.
Does God answer prayers of some and ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square -- I know all men are brothers.
Or does he randomly reply, without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe it's the time of day, the weather or the season.
Now I just ain't trying to act smart, it's just the way I feel.
And I was wonderin', could you tell me -- what the heck's the deal?"
Peter listened very patiently and when Jake was done,
there were smiles of recognition and he said, "So, you're the one!
That day your truck wouldn't start and you sent your prayer a flying.
You gave us all a real bad time, with hundreds of us a-trying.
A thousand angels rushed to check the status of your file.
But you know, Jake … we hadn't heard from you in quite a while.
And though all prayers are answered, and God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice and started a truck in South Dakota.”
So remember to keep in touch.
On The Positive Side
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
- How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
- Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
- Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
- If Wal Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
- Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
- A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.