Web Fun

GROANER ALERT!

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss but has a heavy German accent.

He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.' "

The old man says, "Mmm-hm!" and steps behind the counter where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over to the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on and shines it directly into the clock's face.

Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

* * * * *

A man went into his shrink's office and said, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I was an Alpha Romero. Last night I dreamed I was a Porche. What does this mean?"

"Relax," says the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body experience.

OPTICAL ILLUSIONS

OLD WOMAN? OR YOUNG GIRL? Hint: The old woman’s nose is in the young girl’s chin. THE FACE OF A NATIVE AMERICAN? OR AN ESKIMO? WOMAN IN VANITY? OR SKULL? A RABBIT? OR A DUCK? Hint: The rabbit is looking right, the duck is looking left.   ARE THE HORIZONTAL LINES PARALLEL? OR DO THEY SLOPE? HOW MANY LEGS DOES THIS ELEPHANT HAVE? LOOK AT THE CHART AND SAY THE COLOR, NOT THE WORD. Left-Right Conflict: Your right brain tries to say the color, but your left brain insists on reading the word.