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WARNING! WARNING! KNEE SLAPPERS! WARNING! WARNING!
A tattered old piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to serve drinks to pieces of string. You are a piece of string, aren't you?"
And the piece of string says, "No, I'm afraid not!" (a frayed knot – hearty har har, har har!]
ELECTRIFYING STORY
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So, the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. just don't start anything."
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Web Fun
A DRINKIN' MAN
An Irish man shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Sure it's up to yourself, but wouldn't you rather I was bringing them one at a time? Then they'll be fresh and cold."
"'Nah," the man says, "I'm preferrin' that ye bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada, and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink to each other's honor this way."
"Well," says the bartender, "that's a grand thing to do, all right. I'll bring the pints as you ask."
Well, time goes on and the man's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day though, he comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A group of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints … and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?"
The Irish man looks extremely puzzled for a moment, and then starts laughing."Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent"
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