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The opponents, Brown & Zidar.
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In the continuing story of Raffle 2000 and the battle between the Whigs and Tories, Dick Brown, Tory Presidential candidate, demanded equal time from two weeks ago when his opponent,
Whig candidate Jim Zidar gave an eloquent maiden speech. Brown, accompanied by his attractive running mate, Sharon Edberg, wanted time to “answer the inaccurate and unfair representations made by
my opponent Zidar.”
First, Brown explained why he’d skipped from the Whig party to the Tories. “I investigated those who were members of the Whigs and I came
to the conclusion they were a Woefully Inept Group (WIG). I couldn’t serve the Wigs. I leave that to Zidar. He needs one more than I do.”
“So, the candidacy opened up in the Tory party, the Party of Patience, led by Ted Szatrowski, known forevermore as the man who waits for people
to depart the porta-potties before selling them a raffle ticket. The Tories represent class and security. You don’t have to be sorry to vote for a Tory,” said Brown.
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Dick Brown’s legs AGAIN?
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And then, in one of the most outlandish political tricks ever, Brown challenged his opponent to prove his worthiness to run in a Rotary Raffle election without embracing the 4
-Way Test. “Jim Zidar, where’s your commitment? Where is your 4-Way Test Tattoo?” thundered Brown. Zidar was near speechless. “I believe in the Test,” said Brown and proceeded to move in front of the
lectern, lift his pant-leg to reveal the second and third elements of the Test. [A day later, Brown was frantic, trying to get the permanent marker off his leg.]
Brown closed his speech claiming his the party and campaign of “utmost dignity.” To stimulate support, he and his running mate have offered
limousine service to two members and their spouses: one veteran member who has the greatest percentage increase of raffle ticket sales; and to a
rookie member who racks up the highest number of sales among rookies. A bribe if there ever was one. So far, this campaign has been noted for the
skullduggery and action in smoke-filled rooms. It ain’t over till it’s over.
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