IN THIS ISSUE

Reveille Home

The Ups & Downs Of Baseball

Raffle Update

Sadler Wins Best Legs Contest

Friday Potpourri

Listing Of Weekend Sales Sites

Web Fun

Vol. 13, No. 8, August 21, 2000

 Web Fun

[Thanks to Earl Falk] Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead. A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!" A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home. A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.

Little known facts about COKE & BOUNCE BOUNCE, the stuff you use in your dryer: Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season. Eliminates static electricity from your television screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling. Dissolves soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a used sheet of Bounce. Freshens the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang one in the closet. Prevents thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce to eliminate the static cling on the thread before sewing. Eliminates static cling from hose. Rub a damp, used sheet of Bounce over the hose. Prevents musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing. Freshens the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat. Cleans baked-on food from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in the pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agents apparently weaken the bond between the food and the pan while the fabric softening agents soften the baked-on food. Eliminates odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket. Collects cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs. Eliminates static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling. Deodorizes shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight so they'll smell great in the morning. And now, COCA-COLA: To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet. Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. Coke will also clean road haze from your windshield. AND, WE DRINK THIS STUFF!