Sergeant Mary makes collections.

Sergeant Mary

Sergeant At Arms Mary Bell was called upon to give her weekly assessment of the state of the funds in the SAA kitty. First, she called up Alex Rule and his mother-in-law, Sharon Edberg, to confirm recent rumors. It’s a fact that Alex’s wife Kim – Sharon’s daughter – is pregnant, with the blessed event set to occur after the first of the year. Alex, $5.00.

Rourke O’Brien paid $5.00 for the indiscretion of the Cub fan interfering with the foul ball that many say doomed the Cubs’ season. Seems the fan was a grad of Notre Dame.

Investigation completed and decision rendered, Brian Evison was SPARED because it was his first STRIKE [groan here].

All at once, the calm was broken by a distraught Brian Evison, running into the room, claiming he’d been kidnapped by some University Rotarians. No one in the room could figure out why they’d want him, but Officer Ballard was asked to investigate, and Magistrate Lingenbrink was asked to render a decision about pressing charges of “abducting a president.” He said the statute calls for ten year in prison, or $10,000. It was obvious that Brian had been in a bowling tournament.

And speaking of bowling …