IN THIS ISSUE

Vol. 13, No. 14, October 2, 2000

 Web Fun

DON’T YOU WONDER? [Contributed by Bob Vallat] Can you imagine working at the following company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse; 19 have been accused of writing bad checks; 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses; 3 have been arrested for assault; 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit; 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges; 8 have been arrested for shoplifting; 21 are current defendants in lawsuits; and in 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving. Can you guess which organization this is? Give up? Answer: It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws to keep the rest of us in line. POSITIVE NOTES [Contributed by Earl Falk] On a positive note, I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. I just did.  Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile. Note: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

NEWSPAPER READERS [Contributed by Wally Mahoney] 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't understand the Washington Post. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous. 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country 11. The BBRC Reveille is read by people who’ve figured out information technology and long ago decided to let other people run the country. But, they reserve the right to pull the politician’s chain when necessary!