|
Course Swearing
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight
down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father," says the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again.
"Well, no." says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet," the man replies. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew over a bit of forest near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell, it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of
the hole."
Silence filled the confessional until the Priest sighed and said, "You missed the DAMN putt, didn't you?"
|
|
The Frying Pan
A
guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife comes up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?," he asks.
"That
was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replies.
"Two
weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.
She
looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying
pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he asks, "What the hell was that for?"
She
answers, "Your horse just phoned!!"
|
|
