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Age Is A Funny Thing, When You Think About It
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in
fractions. How old are you? I’m 4-and-a-half! You’re never 36-and-a-half.
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? I’m gonna be 16. You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life arrives. You become 21. But you see, even the words sounds like a ceremony. You BECOME 21. YES!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?
What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Stay over there, it’s all slipping away.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, then you REACH 50. My dreams are gone!
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, and then you MAKE IT to 60. I didn’t think I’d make it.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60, but then you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70!!!
After that, it’s a day-by-day thing. After that you HIT Wednesday. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch. You’re TURNING 4:30. “My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas.
Well, it’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one.”
And it doesn’t end there. Into your 90’s, you start going backwards. “I was JUST 92.” Then, a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
“I’m 100-and-a-half!”
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- Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
- 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
- 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
- 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
- Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle
- Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot furlong
- 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
- Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
- 1000 aches: 1 megahertz
- Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
- Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 horsepower
- Shortest distance between two jokes: 1 straight line
- Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond
- A half bath: 1 demijohn
- 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
- Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile journey: 1 Milwaukee
- 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
- 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
- 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
- 2200 mockingbirds: two kilo mockingbirds
- 10 cards: 1 decacards
- 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
- 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
- 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
- 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
- 1 million billion piccolos: 1 gigolo
- 10 rations: 1 decoration
- 100 rations: 1 C-ration
- 10 millipedes: 1 centipede
- 3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent
- 10 monologues: 5 dialogs
- 5 dialogs: 1 decalog
- 2 monograms: 1 diagram
- 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
- 2 wharves: 1 paradox
- 100 Senators: not 1 decision
– by Neal Jackson.
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