ANNUAL RAFFLE: 2005 Raffle Preseason | About the Raffle | 2004 Raffle Winner

Vol. 17, No. 42, April 18, 2005

IN THIS ISSUE:

This Reveille Home Page | The Friday Program: Activate America ­ Highlighting the Nation’s Lifestyle Crisis | Eastside YMCA Report | We Get Emails | Painting Party Set | Friday Potpourri | CHPs Begin Clean-Up Duty | McCaulley Sets Out on New Vocational Adventure | District Leadership Assembly | Newell In Iraq | Web Fun

Web Fun

Fast Thinking

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle, Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a lion heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion!  I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the lion halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the lion, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the lion with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.

The lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the lion coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But, instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!"

Moral of this story: Don't mess with old people. Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

* * *

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.  So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says.  "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"  And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think ... what must be awaiting me further on?"

So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.  This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping The Husband Store, and have a nice day.

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