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MAJOR FIRE TRAGEDY AVERTED BY SENIORS

One dark night, outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and, in a blink, it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in, as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company, composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters. The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that truck!"

ASSERTIVENESS

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.