|
Web Fun
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional." The questions are NOT that difficult.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Women-Best Troops Around
Contributed by Wally Mahoney
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna, drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future.
We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet, in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events ... finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
Another take:
Killing Osama bin Laden will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will only inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, we should do neither.
Let the Special Forces, Seals, Green Berets, etc., covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then, return "her" to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.
From the Archives
The four Mouseketeers on the way home from the Retreat – nice shades (L to R: Steve Goldfarb, Mary Truesdell, John DeWater, Steve Lingenbrink)
|
