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IDAHO HUNTERS
A couple of Idaho hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
… there is a silence, then a shot is heard …
The hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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An Idaho Mother’s Letter to Her Daughter in Washington
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so they wouldn’t have to change their address.
You all will enjoy a visit to your family’s new home. This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works too well, though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain and haven’t seen the clothes since. The weather here isn’t too bad. It only rained twice last week — the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that wrap you asked for – the coat you wanted me to send – it was too heavy to go in the mail with the big buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Did I tell you about another bill from the funeral home? They’re saying if we don’t make the last payment on Grandma’s grave, up she comes.
Our family is blessed with a new member. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out what it is, so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, they’re going to name her after me — Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
It seems like there was something – oh yes, three of your friends went off a bridge in their pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
Child, there is no news to report, as nothing has happened here. It will be good to see you home. Love, your Mama.
P.S. I was going to send you some money, but I had already sealed the envelope.
Three Men and A Lamp
Three men, a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.
About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says, "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer said, "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer said, "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch," replied the project manager.
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