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DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaatherrr … and unto the Sooonnn … and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!”
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POLICE STORIES
#1 - While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "Would you please tie my shoe?"
#2 - It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
AAADD – FOR THE OVER-45 CROWD
I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it goes:
I decide to do work on the car, start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car.
BUT FIRST, I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full.
OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk.
BUT FIRST, I'll take the trash out.
BUT, since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills.
Yes, now where is the checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there’s my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks.
BUT FIRST, I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away.
BUT FIRST, I need to water those plants. I head for the door and … Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants
BUT FIRST, I need to find those checks.
END OF DAY:
Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys, and, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because:
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious. I’ll get help.
BUT FIRST, I think I'll check my e-mail!
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