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Web Fun
BASEBALL IN HEAVEN
Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol ... Sol ..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD
- Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Why, thank you!"
(Though, it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.)
- Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
- Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
- When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
- Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiters and doesn't like
dogs/cats.
- You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
- The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
- The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
- If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe it.
- I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
- Never pass up an opportunity to use the restroom, you don't know when you'll find another.
- If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
- Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
- Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to
make it.
- Work is good but it's not that important.
- Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
- And finally ... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
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