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Following is the top-rated, funniest joke in the United Kingdom.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
The Streaker
Two old women were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes! Life is boring … we never have any fun these days. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up five dollars.
As fast as she could, the first old woman fumbled her way out of her clothes and streaked, completely naked, through the front door of the town hall.
Waiting outside, her friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old woman burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
How did you do?" asked her friend.
"Great!" she said, "I JUST WON FIRST PRIZE AS BEST DRIED ARRANGEMENT."
The Great Communicator
At a government function in the 1920’s, a young lady approached President Coolidge and said with much enthusiasm, "Oh, Mr. President, I have made a wager with a friend of mine that if I met you I could persuade you to say more than two words to me. Could you please?"
And Coolidge, without expression replied, "You lose."
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Web Fun
Cliché Expert Opens the Kimono
With clients in professional sports and the executive suite, Frank Lingua, President and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catchphrases and clichés for clients too busy to speak in plain English. We interviewed him in his New York City office.
Is it a full-time job being a cliché expert?
Do you work by yourself?
How do you know if you're successful in your work?
At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class solutions.
Where do most clichés come from?
Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?
Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.
Do people notice that you're a cliché expert?
No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented to, and benchmarking the metrics is a challenge.
Is it hard to keep up on all the new clichés?
How do you keep track of all the clichés?
Can you anticipate if a phrase is going to become a cliché?
Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric pro-active solution. Give us a new cliché that we'll be hearing ad nauseum. Enronitis could be a next-generation player.
Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.
Is your work difficult?
It isn't rocket science. It isn't brain surgery. When you drill down to the granular level, it's basic blocking and tackling.
How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the opportunity space on a level playing field.
Does everyone in business eventually devolve into mouthing the sort of mindless drivel you spout?
If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.
Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?
Does that mean "no"?
DOES THAT MEAN "NO"?
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