BELLEVUE BREAKFAST ROTARY CLUB

 IN THIS ISSUE:

Vol. 15, No. 15, October 7, 2002

FROM RODNEY DANGERFIELD

I was such an ugly kid ... when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me ... my bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was so ugly ... my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled  through."

I  was so ugly ... my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know, kid. There's so many places they can hide."

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.

IWith my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
 

Web Fun

TECHNOLOGY FROM COUNTRY FOLK
Courtesy of Bob Moloney

LOG ON:
Making a wood stove hot

LOG OFF:  
Too much wood on fire

MONITOR:  
Keep'n an eye on the wood stove

DOWN LOAD:  
Gitten the farwood off'n the truck

MEGA HERTZ:
When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood

FLOPPY DISC:  
Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood

RAM:  
That thar thang what splits the farwood

HARD DRIVE:  
Gitten home in the winter time

WINDOWS:  
Whut to shut when its cold outside

SCREEN:  
Whut to shut when its black fly season

BYTE:  
Whut dem dang flys do

CHIP:  
Munchies fer the TV

MICRO CHIP:  
Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag

MODEM:
Whatcha do to the hay fields

DOT MATRIX:  
Ole Dan Matrix's wife

LAP TOP:  
Whar the kitty sleeps

KEYBOARD:  
Whar you hang the dang truck keys

SOFTWARE:  
Dem dang plastic forks and knifes

MOUSE:  
What eats the grain in the barn

MOUSE PAD:  
That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives

MAINFRAME:  
Holds up the barn roof

PORT:  
Fancy flatlander wine

ENTER:
Notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"

CLICK:  
Whut you hear when you cock yer gun

DOUBLE CLICK:  
When you cock the double barrel

REBOOT:  
Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you have to go to the outhouse
 

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