FROM RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I was such an ugly kid ... when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me ... my bath toys were a toaster and radio.
I was so ugly ... my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
I was so ugly ... my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know, kid. There's so many places they can hide."
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
IWith my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
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